This may not have much significance to a lot of people, but to me and my siblings, it's a hard day. I couldn't even bring myself to write this post yesterday, because the day is already emotionally charged.
It is the anniversary of my own mother's passing.
Now, it must be understood that I have the best parents in the world. I was especially close to my mom, however, and when she passed I had just entered the waters of motherhood myself.
It has been 14 whole years, but I miss her like it was yesterday.
I think another reason May 1st is so hard for me is that I find myself making comparisons between her mothering and mine. And, of course, I always fall short of the kind of mom she was, and the kind of mom I want to be.
So I add disappointment to grief, because that always helps. (wait, where's the sarcastic font???)
I have to constantly remind myself that I am not her, and my kids aren't exactly like her kids (not even the ME kid).
And I have to remind myself to just keep trying, to just keep moving forward, even if it feels like I'm getting nowhere.
So you fellow mothers, who struggle with feelings of inadequacy like I do, let's just keep on lovin' those babies of ours. Enough said.
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